7 Days to a better you

It's been a long December holiday here in South Africa, so I thought I would kick off the new year with a post on seven simple, but not easy, steps to a better you, for 2013. Are you ready? You know by now that I don't pull any punches, so I hope you are sobered up and ready for my right hook, left block, right upper cut and left foot to the groin...

English: A hook (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I seem to have lost count on how many times I've read and heard of celebrity marriages failing left, right and centre. Not that I care (and personally I don't), it seems strange that we often see movie and TV stars as flawless people, living the fairytale life of riches and glamour. I suppose we all have to stop sticking our heads in the clouds and face reality. The same applies to the number of students who seem to have everything going for them - good looks, glamorous lifestyle, rich parents, good grades (ostensibly - until the first test when their cheating the SAT's comes to the fore).

There are many ways to lose your sense of self-esteem despite of how trivial it could get. But whatever happens, we should all try not to lose our own sense of self.

So what does it take to be a cut above the rest? Here are some of the things you can think and improve on that should be enough for a week.

1. Know your purpose

Direction (Photo credit: Ramkarthikblogger)

Are you wandering through life with little direction - hoping that you'll find happiness, health and prosperity? Identify your life purpose or mission statement and you will have your own unique compass that will lead you to your truth north every time.

This may seem tricky at first when you see yourself to be in a tight or even dead end. But there's always that little loophole to turn things around and you can make a big difference to yourself.

2. Know your values

What do you value most? Make a list of your top 5 values. Some examples are security, freedom, family, spiritual development, learning. As you set your goals for 2005 - check your goals against your values. If the goal doesn't align with any of your top five values - you may want to reconsider it or revise it. The number shouldn't discourage you, instead it should motivate you to do more than you can ever dreamed of.

3. Know your needs

Unmet Needs (Photo credit: blowing.bubbles)

Unmet needs can keep you from living authentically. Take care of yourself. Do you have a need to be acknowledged, to be right, to be in control, to be loved? There are so many people who lived their lives without realizing their dreams and most of them end up being stressed or even depressed for that matter. List your top four needs and get them met before it's too late!

4. Know your passions

Passion Flower (Photo credit: foamcow)

You know who you are and what you truly enjoy in life. Obstacles like doubt and lack of enthusiasm will only hinder you, but will not derail your chance to become the person you ought to be. Express yourself and honor the people who have inspired you to become the very person you wanted to be.

5. Live from the inside out

English: Beethoven (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Increase your awareness of your inner wisdom by regularly reflecting in silence. Commune with nature. Breathe deeply to quiet your distracted mind. For most of us city slickers it's hard to even find the peace and quiet we want even in our own home. In my case I often just sit in a dimly lit room and play some classical music. There's sound, yes, but music does soothe the savage beast.

6. Honor your strengths

USSOCOM NAVY SEAL DESERT OPERATOR (Photo credit: Jamiecat *)

What are your positive traits? What special talents do you have? List three - if you get stuck, ask those closest to you to help identify these. Are you imaginative, witty, good with your hands? Find ways to express your authentic self through your strengths. You can increase your self-confidence when you can share what you know to others.

7. Serve others

GI and dying Iraqi baby girl

When you live authentically, you may find that you develop an interconnected sense of being. When you are true to who you are, living your purpose and giving of your talents to the world around you, you give back in service what you came to share with others -your spirit - your essence. The rewards for sharing your gift with those close to you is indeed rewarding, much more if it were to be the eyes of a stranger who can appreciate what you have done to them. You may never have to live in such an authentic way as to put your very life on the line to save a dying little girl. As I write this, tears form in my eyes as I think of my three young children - who says there is no compassion on the battlefield! Serve others! It will NEVER cost you this much! Catch a wake up call!

Self-improvement is indeed one type of work that is worth it. It shouldn't always be within the confines of an office building, or maybe in the four corners of your own room. The difference lies within ourselves and how much we want to change for the better.

Developing friendships

FRIENDSHIP (Photo credit: Woody शक्ति Shakti)

During the most difficult times of your studies, it seems like it could be easier to lick the inside of a rusted tin of German hand-grenades dating back to the First World War whilst walking the path of the Paris-Dakar Rally blindfolded,

Jutta Kleinschmidt, BMW X3, Dakar Rally 2007 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

than it would be to open yet another page of yet another textbook as you prepare for yet another exam. Indeed, many of you would opt for the former rather than the latter - and quite readily at that! So, this is where friends come in. Right from the outset you need to develop deep and lasting friendships. friendships that ... fill in all the cliche's that are true about friendships. Friendships cannot be forced, and cannot be defined. But I do want to give you a few guidelines when you consider developing friendships. a. Consider which gender. It is a lie that you cannot have true friendships with the opposite sex. I had a number of "girl friends" when I was at university. I would never have wanted to date them, precisely because they were very good friends and I had no romantic feelings for them. By the same token, don't only have the same gender friends. Guys, don't have only guy friends - you are going to need platonic female friends in your life to help restore some normality to your already crazy male brain! Girls, don't only have girl friends. Too much oestrogen = BAD. b. Consider which religion. As you know, I am a Christian, but I had some very good Muslim friends at Varsity. However, my best friends, the ones that understood me the best, were fellow Christians. This is not being discriminatory, it's being realistic. They understood my feelings on certain issues. We could discuss issues easily and we could prayer together.

c. Consider romantic involvements. Sometimes you have to move on from a previous romantic involvement, and that means moving on from a group of friends. This can be extremely difficult. But hey! you're an adult now! Act like one! Move on! If you've broken up with someone, and you can't be friends with you ex, and you can't comfortably be friends with your mutual friends, then act the grown-up and move on. Let it be known that you are the adult, and carry on with your life. Get professional help if you need, but move on! d. Consider timetables and course. Sometimes timetables and courses will be a major problem. If you are on a huge campus like Wits University in Joburg, and most of your friends are at Medical School, you are going to have to re-evaluate. Your time together may then be limited to weekends. And may not involve any of your studies at all. d. Consider diligence. Some people are simply not good friends to have in regards to studying. They might be fun to have as friends, but when it comes to the nitty gritty of studying, Elvis has left the building, baby. So, you need consider how diligent your friends are in their studies. Are they good at their studies? Are they willing to help? Are they willing to share their knowledge? If they are brighter than you, are they willing to tolerate you (to put it bluntly)? You need to be able to answer all these questions.

"Friendship" (Photo credit: BroGuggs)

e. Consider your own willingness to give. This is of paramount importance. How much are you willing to give to you friends? Are you willing to give of your time and energy to them? Are you will to be there for them when their girlfriend breaks up with them? Are you willing to help them prepare for their Viva the weekend before it happens? Are you willing to help them do some research for a paper they are writing? For as much as you are willing to do for them, they are going to be willing to do for you.

French troops using a catapult to throw hand grenades and other explosives during World War I (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

f. Consider the group dynamic. Amongst my fondest memories were the times when me and my friends went to the Vaal Dam for a few long weekends and did some water-skiing and braaiing and having a lazy time. It was special time. But we were also able to spend time together studying and helping other out before exams. I hope this has helped you understand the importance of friendships during your studies. Do you have any other ideas about why friends are important during studies? Or fond memories of times spent recently or in the past with groups of friends whilst at college/varsity? Please share....

The Importance of Friendships(everydayhealth.com)
Friendship makes girls more physically active(scotsman.com)
How to Get and keep Friends(gadberry.wordpress.com)

Facebook Makes Us Miserable (www.challies.com)

The Real Road to Success May Surprise You (goinswriter.com)

Turn the tables on yourself

thinking (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Those of you who know me know that I am a Christian. I have recently been having a lively and healthy discussion with my pastor, Clint Archer about the role of secular psychology as opposed to Biblical counseling. I asked him what his misgivings were with secular psychology in one paragraph (how's that for an unfair challenge!). He did an amazing job of summarizing his position and putting it across clearly and Biblically. You can read his post here. You can also read my responses below his post. You can tell by my responses that I was being quite self-righteous and little bit condescending. So, I decided to do a little exercise that I want to discuss with you today. I turned the tables on myself. I turned the question around and asked myself the exact same question. I spent more than a few days thinking about it, and do you want to know something very interesting? My answer was almost the same as his! My wording would have been slightly different, but essentially, my position and his position were almost the same, and my self-righteous posturing crumbled like a house of cards!

house of cards by karilan at http://www.flickr.com/photos/67869542@N07/

It was a very humbling experience, but an absolutely essential one. So, I want to discuss four reasons turning the tables on yourself is essential in the academic world.

Man thinking on a train journey. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

1. It forces you to examine your own assumptions. We all go into a discussion with our own presumptions and assumptions. We can be so blinded by our own presumptions that we are unable to listen to what the other person is saying. [As an aside : In the early years of college or university, your lecturers don't really expect you to think for yourselves. They expect you to accept what they tell you as a basis for your later years where you will be expected to think for yourselves more and more. My feeling, though, is that you should start developing this skill right from the start, because it is completely reasonable for you to begin to challenge your lecturers on what they teach.] By turning the question on yourself, you suddenly realize how biased your own question was in the first place. You realize that your question was asked because you were looking for an excuse to argue your own position.

This is a "thought bubble". It is an illustration depicting thought. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

2. It deepens your thinking ability.By flipping the direction of the question, you have to change the direction of your thoughts all of a sudden, and it forces your brain to expand its ability to think deeply about the matter at hand. While you were doing the asking, your brain had all the neural pathways literally lined up with your own way of thinking. But when you change that and put the question to yourself, you disrupt those pathways alarmingly! Now, your brain has to go into overdrive to start connecting new neural pathways as at ponders the question in a different light.

3. It makes you humble. This will be the most difficult part. No-one likes to be wrong, or to be humbled. Especially when they are passionate about a specific topic. But it is the best thing that can happen to you. A humble person is a teachable person. Show me an arrogant person and I will show you someone who is not teachable. At Medical School, those students who came across as being too cocky or arrogant made very few friends, especially during their practical exams! 4. It ultimately builds bridges.Especially where there was the initial risk that bridges might have been in jeopardy. By turning that question around towards myself, I was able to see that Clint and I are practically seeing eye to eye on an extremely important issue. If I had not done that, I could have risked misunderstanding him, and perhaps long-term could have risked affecting our friendship to a certain degree. Humility leads you to a point of finding common ground, which leads to understanding, which leads to building bridges instead of burning them.